I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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