Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
