I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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