I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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