We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
