just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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