Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
