I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
