i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
