Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
