I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
