Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
