he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
