I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
