Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
