The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it glows. i had to have it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize