You smell like a Billy Joel song
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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