I CAN MOONWALK!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
