saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
