you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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