ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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