Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
