Betty ford says i'm here all night
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
