he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
