need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
