brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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