3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
