in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize