Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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