The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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