I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
