I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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