So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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