You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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