when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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