i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
