The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
as a side note pls kill me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
