I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
