I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
