you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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