seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
