well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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