I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
