So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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