I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
