you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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