omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
