I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
