Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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