After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
