is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
