He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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