all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
