I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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