I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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