i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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