do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
