i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
