Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
