my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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