I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Come share oat with me in your robe
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
