oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize
