Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
