I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
