I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
