Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
