Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
