Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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