Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
