I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
