Got a toothbrush?
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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