I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
