I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
