how can u be prego again
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
