U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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