I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
