areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
