we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
