sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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